NBA Lockout Timeline

The National Basketball Association's players have been "locked out" (prevented from doing their jobs) since this summer. Despite the fact that the NBA is just days away from missing regular season games, their lockout hasn't gotten nearly the publicity that the similar National Football League lockout got from the national sports press. The reasons for this are many, but the main one is that while the NFL is the most popular sports league in the country, nobody gives even one solitary damn about the NBA.

In the interest of furthering the public's sports-related knowledge, I thought I would share with you some highlights of the NBA lockout so far. I present to you the NBA Lockout Timeline:

Day 1 - League commissioner David Stern announces that there will be no NBA basketball until the players agree to rescind the Mavericks' 2010/2011 championship and concede the title to the Miami Heat. His proposal is rejected by the NBA Players Association by a vote of 357 - 3.

Day 5 - Labor talks break down when players' union chief Billy Hunter refers to Nets co-owners Jay-Z and Mikhail Prokhorov as "Young MC and Ivan Drago."

Day 10 - Foreseeing the harsh realities of an extended unpaid work stoppage, Celtics forward Paul Pierce begins storing up an emergency supply of Cadillac Escalades.

Day 25 - The Minnesota Timberwolves are mathematically eliminated from the 2011/2012 playoffs.

Day 35 - Shaquille O'Neal uses the time off to revive his rap career, culminating in the release of his new album, "Shaq Sandwich." As with Spinal Tap's similarly titled album, the reviews practically write themselves.

Day 40 - During pre-game coverage of the WNBA Game Of The Week between the Indiana Fever and the Eastern Division-leading Connecticut Sun, NBA analyst Stephen A. Smith hangs himself with his microphone cord.

Day 50 - Former Washington Wizard Javaris Crittenton is implicated in the shooting death of 22-year-old Julian Jones in Atlanta.  Wait, this should go in the NBA Lock-UP timeline.

Day 60 - On a live 3-hour television special, LeBron James chooses Arian Foster with the first pick of his fantasy football draft. Heartbroken Cleveland fans burn Colt McCoy jerseys in the streets.

Day 70 - Labor negotiations continue to flounder as the players' union stands firm against a hard salary cap for players' personal entourages.

Day 80 - WWE head honcho Vince McMahon announces the formation of the XBA. The new league's "extreme" brand of basketball will feature unlimited personal and technical fouls, metal chain nets, and nightly "run-ins" from the likes of Hulk Hogan, "Stone Cold" Steve Austin, and Rasheed Wallace.

Day 85 - ESPN finally remembers to announce that the NBA is on strike and has been for nearly three months. Viewers shrug and return to watching football.

Day 90 - NBA Commissioner Davis Stern threatens to take the ball and go home for the entire season. The players' union responds by calling Stern a "doo-doo head" and that they had to be home before the streetlights came on anyway. So there.

Day 95 - Kobe Bryant announces his verbal agreement to spend the lockout playing with Vitus Bologna in Italy.  Shaquille O'Neal extends verbal offer to play for bologna, too.

More to come as the lockout continues.